Beautiful Release
by lizziemariex
Summary: We're all born with the knowledge that one-day we're going to die. Sometimes that day comes too soon and we leave behind the ones we love. We leave their life in shambles. But can we really expect them to move on without being haunted by their memories?
1. The Funeral

"You're just torturing yourself," he reminded her, his voice low because he knew he would scare her.

Sure enough, the brunette slowly spun around to face the boy in the doorway, offering him a broken smile. She simply nodded her head, knowing that his words were true, but not having the heart to admit them out loud.

He took a few steps into the room, watching as the tiny girl in front of him sat on the edge of the bed, her head dipping down to hide her tears. No more words left his lips as he sat down next to her. He wrapped a single arm around her shoulders allowing her to fall into his side. "We're going to get through this," his whispered down to the sobbing brunette in his arms. "I promise."

He could feel his own tears beginning to pool in his eyes, and did his best to will them away. Somehow, he had to be strong for her. This was hell for the both of them, but he knew what she was going through was a million times worse. She had lost so much more.

"Do you need help with anything?" Once more his words were soft, as he pulled back to look down at her. She allowed herself to sit up straight, and shook her head softly. A shaky hand rose to wipe at her tears and she once more offered him a broken smile.

"Alright, but I'll be downstairs if you need anything. We're leaving in ten," he informed her before pressing a kiss to the side of her head. He stood up and made his way over to the door, pausing briefly to look at her. There before him sat a girl that you used to shine brighter than all the stars in the sky. A girl that was going places nobody dared to dream of. And now all that was left was a broken girl, who's light had faded in the blink of an eye. Now sat before him a girl, with no dreams and no future to look forward to.

Once she was sure he could no longer see her, the brunette sucked in a shaky breath and pushed herself to her feet. She had to do this, if not for herself than for him. He'd want her to be there. She walked over to the dresser that sat in the corner of the room and smiled half-heartedly at the belongings placed on top of it. A few trophies from when he was younger, a picture of him and his dad, and a picture of them on their first official date as a couple.

The tears pooled in her eyes once more as she ran her fingers down the cool glass of their picture. How had she ended up in this place? How had she ended up losing the one she was supposed to spend forever with? He was supposed to be there for her. When they graduated, when she finally got into NYADA, and he was supposed to be there when she finally made it Broadway and wowed everyone with her talent.

Finn Hudson was supposed to always be there.

And now he was gone. Leaving behind a broken Rachel Berry, with nothing to live for.

She slowly moved away from the memories that were beginning to tear a hole in her heart and made her way towards the exit. She stopped momentarily as she reached the doorway and spun to look at the room one last time. The last of her tears pushed over the brink of her eyes, rolling down her cheeks silently. There were so many memories in his room. So many nights spent together just cuddling and discussing their future. A future she would never get to see.

Rachel managed to swallow the lump in he throat and blink away the remaining tears. "I love you," she whispered to the empty room before flicking off the light and walking away from the last shred of hope that it was all a bad dream.

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><p>She hated funerals. She understood that death was a part of the circle of life, but she never understood funerals. What was the point in wasting your time saying goodbye to someone that was already gone? Besides, if Rachel had her way she wouldn't be saying her last goodbye, she'd be jumping into the casket with him and never leaving his side.<p>

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Oh, you poor girl."

"Are you okay? How are you holding up?"

"If you need anything, feel free to call."

It was all the same. No matter who cam up to her, they all offered the same sentences that she had heard over and over. All she wanted was for it to be over. To just crawl under the covers of whatever couch she'd be sleeping on that night, and let it all fade into the blackness of the night.

"Rachel I'm so sor-"

Rachel wouldn't even listen to all of Quinn's fake sympathy before she was out the door, running as fast as her legs would carry her. It was too much. Everyone constantly berating her with questions about how she was doing, and if she was holding up okay, it was all too much. She couldn't take anymore of it.

It wasn't until Rachel heard the faint calling of her last name that she finally stopped running, and turned around. It wasn't the person she had expected to come running after her. She had expected Kurt, or maybe even Noah to come running after her and tell her that she didn't have to go back in if she didn't want. But turning around to see Santana Lopez looking straight at her was a surprise.

"Look Berry, I get that this is hard for you. It's hard for all of us. But if you don't march your skinny ass back in there and tell Quinn Fabray to shove it, I'll smack the words out of you myself."

Despite the harsh words leaving the Latina's lips, Rachel found herself letting out a silent laugh. She blinked back the once against forming tears and nodded her head. As she took a few steps back towards Santana, Rachel stopped to offer her the first real smile of the week. "Thank you," she told her softly before heading back in the direction of the funeral home.

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><p>There they sat. All three caskets covered in a different array of flowers waiting to be lowered into the ground.<p>

One by one each of McKinley's Glee Club members went up to at least one of the caskets, saying their final goodbyes. Losing Finn wasn't easy, on any of them. Glee Club wouldn't have taken off without him finally standing up and breaking the status quo.

Puck lost a best friend, Santana lost an adversary, Mike lost a team mate, Tina lost her first crush, Quinn lost her first love, Sam lost a cherished rival, Rory lost an inspiration, Brittany lost the only person that never questioned her, Artie lost his Halo partner, Mercedes lost her confidant, Blaine lost the brother he always wanted and Kurt lost the brother he wished he'd spent more time with.

But Rachel, Rachel lost her one true love and both her fathers, all in the same night.

As the caskets were lowered in their respected plots, Rachel felt the tears blind her vision once more. It was becoming a regular occurrence, only this time Kurt wasn't there to grab hold of her as her knees went weak. Stronger arms wrapped around her small frame to keep her vertical, and Rachel did her best to keep from crumbling.

She felt his hand make small circles along her back but it was to no avail. Everything was gone; her boyfriend, her fathers, even her talent. It was all ripped away from her in a second.

As Puck held onto the shaking brunette, his eyes wandered the cemetery for Santana, or even Kurt, someone that would be able to help him calm down Rachel. But as his eyes finally locked on Santana, he almost wondered if this really was a bad dream.

There she was, leaning half against a tree and half into Kurt, trying to shield the tears that looked as if they were rolling down her cheeks. He knew she had been upset about losing Finn, she wondered who she would use as a guinea pig for all her best jokes. But this was something different entirely.

His gaze followed hers, and Puck felt a twisting in his heart he hadn't expected. Dressed in a tiny seaform sweater and a silver bubble skirt, a little girl of only a year made her way to the first casket and pressed her hand against it. She was only there a moment or two before she was lifted off the ground, and scooped into the arms of the woman she called mommy.

His gaze had been focused so hard on the little girl, that Puck hadn't even felt Rachel move away from his touch. Her eyes were also locked in the direction his were, only her eyes were focused on the woman carrying the little girl. She heard footsteps behind her, and heard the faint sound of Santana's words that were laced with a bitterness she couldn't explain. "What is she doing here?"

Kurt responded that he had no idea, and he swore he hadn't invited her. Puck said nothing. And before any of them got the chance to question Rachel, she was walking in the direction of the pair. "Shelby?" Her voice was low, still barely above a whisper. "Why are you here?"


	2. A Proposition

It was a scene Rachel would have never expected to see in a million years. A scene that made her feel as if she was watching from foreign eyes. There she sat on one of the wooden chairs in Shelby's kitchen sipping on herbal tea. The woman she never dared to call mom across from her, also sipping on herbal tea while her eyes locked on her living room. The living room that contained Rachel's closest friends, and the sister she never knew; the sister that wasn't related to her in anyway other than adoption.

"She's gorgeous," Kurt mumbled more to himself than to Santana or Puck.

Neither of them had moved since they all got settled in the tiny apartment. Tana's eyes were glued on the little girl who had happily placed herself in the middle of her toys, finding something new to occupy her time with each passing minute; while Puck couldn't bring himself to look anywhere other than the wall.

"Kurt doesn't know, does he?" Shelby's question caught Rachel off guard and forced her to pull herself back to reality. She said nothing, simply shook her head as she brought her cup of tea to her lips and took another sip.

"Rachel." Once more Shelby's tone caused Rachel's head to snap up her brown eyes locking on the older woman's. "I know we've never been close and I blew my chance at being your mother years ago. But, you can talk to me. You haven't said two words to me since we left the cemetery."

Every word that Shelby spoke was like a dagger right into Rachel's heart. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew the older woman meant well. Everything she said was meant to comfort Rachel, but it did the exact opposite. It reminded her of what she lost, and what she would never be able to gain back.

"I-I can't," she mumbled out, her voice hoarse and broken. Glassy eyes blinked away from Shelby's confused used and to the table below her fingers. She hadn't spoken about it. If she didn't talk about it, there was a chance it wasn't real. She had allowed the doctors to explain it to Kurt, and Mr. and Mrs. Hummel. Of course in turn, Kurt had explained it to Santana and Noah.

"The impact of the hit caused the seatbelt to press into my throat. I'm not entirely sure on the details of the affair, but it damaged my vocal chords. I ca-can't…" The brunette paused. There was a pain in her throat she still was not accustomed to when she spoke for too long, and the words that she knew would leave her lips next were causing a pain in her chest she had been experiencing far too often. "I'll never sing again."

The instant pity that formed in Shelby's eyes caused a fire to burn inside Rachel's chest. That wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want people to look at her with pity because she lost the one thing that was going to get her out of this cow town. It killed her enough everyday to know that her dreams of New York were gone for good. The look in that woman's eyes only added to the pain ragging throughout her entire body.

"Rachel, I'm so sorry. " Her voice was gentle, and should have comforted Rachel like a mother's voice does to a small child. But it simply made her feel worse. All she ever wanted was to get to know Shelby as her mother, and when she had that chance, Shelby turned her back on Rachel without blinking an eye.

"I don't need your pity," she mumbled out, the bitterness still finding it's way to breakthrough.

Shelby was a little taken back by Rachel's comment, and simply stared at her daughter, blinking a few times. "N-no. I wasn't…that wasn't what I was implying. I'm just," she paused softly letting out the smallest of sighs. "I'm worried about you, Rachel. You lost so much in such a short time. And, you're not 18 so this technically makes you an or-"

"I am well aware of what it makes me, I do not need you to remind me." It was first time since the accident that Rachel had actually raised her voice. She ignored the instant pain that pulled at her vocal chords, and glared at the woman across from her behind glassy eyes.

"Should we stop them before a fight breaks out and Rachel loses it?" Kurt's question went unanswered as a two year old slowly stagger onto wobbly legs. The little girl named Valerie slowly walked over to where Santana was firmly placed on the couch, and reached up a tiny hand to tug at the end of her black dress. She held up one of her toys, not saying anything, just looking up at the stranger with hopeful eyes of finding someone to play with her.

Chocolate eyes remained fixated on the child as they welled up with tears. It shouldn't be this difficult. She had made the decision two years ago and had moved on from it. The longing that she felt to pick up the child and hold her close should not be there.

When Valerie received no answer or action from Santana, a small pout formed on her lips. Giving up hope that she would play with her, the child made her way over to the other stranger that was sitting on the single armchair in the room. She tugged at his dress pants, waiting very impatiently for him to acknowledge that there was someone there.

But he couldn't do it. Puck knew exactly who was there, and what she wanted but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. If he looked down, he would see the child that he could have been raising. The child that would know him as daddy or dada had Santana not made such a stupid decision two years ago. So instead of looking down at the little girl, he simply shifted further over in the chair, pulling his leg from the little girl's reach.

"All I'm suggesting is that you let me step in and take care of you. Let me be the mother I should have been when you reached out to me two years ago. Please?" There was a pleading in Shelby's voice that she didn't know was possible. But raising Valerie had shown her everything she missed in Rachel's life, and had filled her with a deep regret. She may not have been able to make up for the past, but she should have been there for Rachel when she needed her. Now was her chance to change their future, to give them the chance that she should have given them years ago. And to prevent Rachel from being shoved into foster care.

"Momma, momma!" The little girl came running over to the woman she knew as her mother, and wrapped her little body around her leg before Rachel had a chance to speak. Her eyes instantly shot over to the couple that had been sitting silently in the living room.

Santana, who had just managed to force her tears back into her tear ducts, began to shake uncontrollably. And even Puck, who had been staring at the wall for the better half of an hour, has finally moved his vision to the Latina on the couch.

A few words were mumbled in Spanish, too fast for anyone to catch drift of them, and then she was on her feet. Santana grabbed her coach from behind tear filled eyes, and ran out the door only to be followed by Noah, who looked like he was having a hard time controlling his own emotions.

"What did I miss?" Kurt's question caused Rachel to shake her head, realizing just how far in the loop her best friend was. She slowly pushed herself out of Shelby's chair, and pulled her jacket off the back of it.

"Thank you, for the tea and for coming to pay your respects. I'm sure you understand that this is a big decision for me and given our history, I will need to think it over before I make my decision. I hope you can understand," Rachel pressed her fingers softly against her throat as she spoke. She had learned that it helped the volume of her voice, and even for the moment prevent any further pain to her vocal chords.

She waited patiently for Kurt to collect himself and his jacket, before she wrapped her arm around his. She mumbled to him that it was imperative that check on Santana and Noah, and promised she would explain everything as best she could on the way as long as he promised to play her mixed Barbra CD in the car ride to calm her nerves.


	3. The Aftermath

**Author Note;** Just a quick note to anybody reading, the future of this story has been changed slightly. It's not going to end in St. Berry. There will be a strong St. Berry friendship but no romantic feelings. Apologies to anyone looking forward to that..  
>And thanks so much to Amanda for taking care of Pucktana for me3<p>

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><p>"So, you're telling me that Shelby's little girl is actually Santana and Puck's daughter?" There was a mix of pure shock, and utter confusion splashed across Kurt's face as he did his best to keep his eyes focused on the road and not turn to stare at Rachel.<p>

The brunette's head was currently lulled back against the passenger seat, and her eyes were closed. As soon as she had heard the comforting sound of Barbra's voice she allowed her eyes to finally close. They were stinging from all the tears she had shed in the day, and Rachel honestly needed a moment to let her guard down.

As she explained Santana and Puck's story to Kurt, she felt her own heart twist with pain. She never understood their decision to hand Valerie over to Shelby. Sure, they were just kids but Rachel was fairly certain that Mrs. Puckerman would have helped them. And if they hadn't, she knew without a doubt that her fathers would have welcomes Santana and the little girl into their home with open arms.

The thought of her fathers had brought a fresh batch of tears to Rachel's eyes, and she had to go on quickly to explain the story to Kurt in her hushed tones. "Yes, that's why Santana ran out. I presume hearing the little girl call Shelby momma was too much. And who can blame her. It doesn't matter that Shelby's the one raising her, to Santana that's always going to be her little girl." The brunette sighed softly as she finished her sentence. Her eyes open slowly as she sat up and leaned forward to grab the water bottle that she had begged Kurt to allow her to bring in the car.

She popped off the cap as Kurt expressed his shock at the turn of events. Her head nodded before she brought the water bottle up to her lips and took a large sip. "I know. I would have told you earlier but Santana swore me to secrecy. And while our friendship has evolved, I would not put it passed her to punch me in the face if I went against her wishes."

Kurt let out his own chuckle, as he pulled closer towards the curb and rolled the car to a stop. He killed the engine, and turned his body to face the brunette in the passenger seat next to him. "Well, she is Santana. I just can't believe she was pregnant. How did she manage to hide that?"

Rachel lifted her shoulders and dropped them a second later, finding she couldn't bring herself to speak anymore. Her throat was on fire, and the reality of her situation was beginning to fully sink in.

As if on cue, Kurt seemed to catch drift of the pain that was coursing through Rachel and unbuckled his seat belt before leaning over to hug the tiny diva. "We're going to get through this. I promised you earlier and I'm keeping that promise, okay?"

Her head nodded as she felt the tears pool into her eyes for the countless time that day. He seemed to know just what to say to make her feel better and for that Rachel was thankful. She would be lost if it wasn't for Kurt. He was being so strong for her, when she knew he was hurting just as much as she was. After all, he had lost a brother in this as well.

* * *

><p>Car rides were not supposed to feel like you were stuck on Wicked Twister in Cedar Point, from the moment Santana had peeled out of the apartment complex's small parking lot that was exactly the way it'd felt. She'd put her foot like lead directly onto the gas and pushed with all the strength she had left in her. He'd never seen his life flash before his eyes before as much as he had the moment she'd begun to swerve in and out of the back roads to avoid cars and sidewalks. With panic in his chest he carefully reached for his seatbelt pulling it into place and fastening it tightly across his lap. Jesus effing Christ he didn't want to die so soon. The way she was driving it seemed almost as though she had a death wish for them both. For a moment he glanced over at her trying to figure out if she was actually seeing the road. Her eyes were glazed over, he might not have been able to see her whole face but he could see the slow line that was leaking down her cheek. He could see the way that her hands were shaking on the steering wheel as she turned the car this way and that.<p>

"Slow the fuck down"

His choice of words made her wince. She always did when he chose the harsh words he did. Maybe that was why he hardly ever swore around her. Because that vocabulary had a tendency of reminding her of all the time her father's cruel words had been accompanied by a sharp slap or brutal fist. He would have apologize for it too if she hadn't just driven straight through yet another stop sign without the least emotion. Being killed in a tragic car accident that could have injured someone else wasn't exactly his ideal way to go. He had a little too much to prove yet before that could happen.

"I'd like to prove that I can actually graduate Santana. Slow the fucking car down."

With his hand coming in contact with the dashboard and releasing a sharp crack as it did so he watched her wince again this time she listened to what he said as though she were that child who'd do anything to make her daddy stop neglecting her. the feelings of guilt and shame washed over him as reaction to what he'd done. Even if it'd made her suddenly stop the car he knew he still shouldn't have used force the way he had. Even if he'd only hit the dashboard. He was too lost in his thoughts for a moment to turn his head. He could hear the sounds now coming from her. The agony in her chest releasing its self as her fists pounded against the steering wheel taking out as much aggression as she could get out of her. It was then that he finally looked at her and saw the mess and the mere reflection of the girl he was so irrevocably in love with fallen apart at the seams. …the same way that he felt that he was on the inside. Their hearts were both broken and damaged and he could see for a second just how bad shape they were both in. He watched her a few moments longer as her fists pounded into the steering wheel, her knuckles becoming raw and red, her hand falling messy, her tears with no sign of stopping. As pissed as he was with her he couldn't let her explode any longer. Instead he pushed the arm rest up and pulled her arm lightly till his hesitance was gone and he was pulling her closer to him. Her fists beat against his chest, her emotions coming undone without any sign of stopping.

"It's ok, San, it's okay, I've got you. shhh, it's okay"

Her fists soon subsided and finally she was grasping at his shirt, holding fistfuls of the white material as tightly as she could as if he'd slip away if her grip loosened any. That was her biggest fear, that he'd be gone in a single heartbeat after what she'd done to him. Losing him would have been more than she'd ever be able to handle. He knew that also. That was the reason his hinds slipped up from her thighs, slowly snaking his arms around her waist, rubbing against the clingy black fabric as he held her tightly, his grip assuring her that he wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't go anywhere.

"I didn't mean to scare you. It's okay, I promise its okay."

Leaning his head down he caught her forehead and placed a soft kiss there knowing that he shaking wasn't only coming from the fact that everything they'd let go had been in front of them for a moment, but, because he'd triggered memories that scarred her mind day in and day out. He'd held her enough times to know the shake, to feel the emotions that echoed through her in reminder. He hadn't meant to trigger anything. He was just enraged and angry. He let his own emotions pop up for the moment. Her hands were still tightly clutching his shirt, her knuckles ghostly white against her normally well tanned skin.

"I can still… I… I can feel her touching me."

Although her voice wasn't anything more than a whisper that he almost couldn't make out he could hear every ounce of pain in it. The same pain that made his own chest feel like it'd been split wide own to allow all the blood to run out of it. Then again, that probably would have hurt less than this. Any amount of physical pain probably would have hurt less than this did. His own mind worked to get rid of the angry shade she'd looked at him through when she hadn't gotten a response out of either one of them, his own eyes looking right back at him with curios and shattered hope. Hope that he couldn't ignite for fear of only causing himself more pain. Pain that he'd already suffered through in intense waves for the past two years.

"I… I'm so… I'm so sorry. I didn't… I shouldn't have…"

Those were the words he'd been waiting two long and painful years to hear. The words that he hadn't thought she was capable of when it came to the whole situation. There was suddenly the slightest bit of relief that washed over him. It wasn't exactly freeing but it made him feel the slightest bit better. She knew the feeling, how broken they both felt in side …how they'd made the wrong choice. His arms tightened around her in a squeeze for another moment as the apologies kept coming as fast as the tears did. This was the reason that even if they'd screwed up so badly they still belonged with one another, because despite the broken pieces there wasn't anyone in the world that he wanted to protect more than he wanted to protect Santana …more than he wanted to protect his own personal Tinkerbell. His hand smoothed her hair down as he pressed another kiss to her forehead and dropped one of his hands to undo his seatbelt.

"Come on baby, I'm gonna get you home. We're gonna go home okay?"

Without hurting her any further and without losing much contact he slipped into the driver's seat, an arm still locked around her as he did so. Rubbing the skin on her back for the flesh on flesh contact. He started the car and pulled out of the messy parallel parking spot never once letting go of the grip he had on her.

"It's my fault that she's not with us. It's my fault that we're not mommy and daddy and for that Puck, for that I'm so sorry. I …she should be ours Puck. She should be."

Words weren't all that easy to make out as her voice shook. His own eyes filled with more tears as he held onto her and she did him. She was right, this was her fault. Yet there was something inside of him that restrained him from telling her that. Instead he stayed silent with his eyes straight ahead as he rubbed circles over her skin and pulled right into the driveway of their two bedroom apartment. Shutting off the car he never bothered to untangle her from him. instead he simply lifted her out of the car bridal style from the driver side door and took a moment to kiss the corner of her mouth while he held her there. if he'd been able to take away her pain for even a moment it would have been the first thing he did. Instead he felt the same blaring pain that she did. With her still in his arms he walked up the short way to their door and pushed it open making his way with balance through the pillow strung living room to their bedroom. Carefully he laid her down on the bed before laying down right along beside her, her body curing into his. The perfect fit as it always had been and always would be.

"I love you Tink, I know, you've made mistakes …we've both made mistakes but I love you."

With his own eyes full of tears hazel looked down and met tear filled chocolate as she lifted her head not at all expecting his lips to meet hers like they did. Softly yet with more passion than either one of them had felt in two years. Maybe the word sorry was important for something.

"I'd tell you both to get a room, but looking around it would appear this is what you have deemed as your bedroom. Colors don't match though," Kurt's voice was soft but it was enough to pull Tana and Puck apart, and glance over in the direction of the doorway. "Beat it Puckerman, girl talk time. Go have some Jewish coversations with Berry or something."

Kurt stepped inside the bedroom, and walked over to the bed where Santana was still laying down, and crossed his right leg over his left. His eyes glanced around the room once or twice, a small scowl forming on his lips, before he turned to glare at Puck, waiting for him to leave. The mowhawked teen stared in disbelief at their friend before leaning down to place a final kiss on Santana's lips.

"Any day now," Kurt mumbled to himself and to the couple.

"I'm going, I'm going. Don't get your panties in a twist." With his final word, Puck made his way out of the bedroom, leaving Tana and Kurt to have whatever kind of girl talk conversation was possible seeing as Kurt didn't exactly have lady parts.


	4. Revelations

**Another Note;** I have to once again thank Amanda for helping with the Kurtana part of this scene. Could not have finished this without her. And thank you guys so much for all the reviews! I'm so glad you're enjoying (:

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><p>It hadn't been Rachel's idea to follow Noah and Santana back to the house. It hadn't been her idea to enter after she and Kurt watched Noah carry Tana in. But Kurt insisted, and Rachel really didn't have the words to argue. If she did, she would not be standing in the kitchen of the Puckerman-Lopez residents, waiting impatiently for the pot of water she put on to boil.<p>

Since her accident, Rachel found herself drinking more herbal tea that she even thought possible, and thought it would be best to stock the houses she often visited with an endless supply. Her foot tapped against the tile floor soundlessly, and as she looked up Rachel found herself face to face with a rather depressed looking Noah.

Swallowing the lump that was preventing her from speaking, Rachel tipped her head to the side just slightly. "What's wrong, Noah?" Her voice was still hoarse and she knew speaking was only causing more damage to her vocal chords, but what did it honestly matter now? Her career was gone. She would never get to see her name in lights on Broadway, and the world would never know the strong voice that was once Rachel Berry.

Pushing her thoughts from her mind the brunette focused on the boy in front of her, trying to read his expression. It was never this hard. Over the years Noah had learned it was just easier to be honest with Rachel, and he rarely kept things from her. This was different from all their other conversation. Whatever it was that he was hiding, it was serious.

"You didn't cheat on Santana, did you?" Her eyes went wide as she spoke, her voice clearly laced with worry. "I love you both but I would be forced to side with Santana if you did something so stupid."

Patience was not something that God had blessed Rachel Berry with. As her the water for her tea began to come to boil, Rachel found herself wishing she was still holding out for it, and that she had received an answer from Noah. Yet as the tiny girl moved to fill up the mug she had pulled out of cabinet, the mow hawked teen simply rested back against the counter, his arms folding tightly over his chest.

He said nothing yet his facial expression spoke millions. He was hurting. It wasn't guilt or a shameful sort of pain. It was longing. The same kind of longing Rachel had felt since she heard the news that Finn was gone. But this was different. Rachel could clearly see that his longing was not for his best friend. It was deeper than that.

"Noah, if you don't answer me I am going to have to go question Santana and then I am going to have to come back out here and yell at you for hurting her, again." Her words were spoken as she settled her tea bag into the water.

"Why does everyone worry about me hurting Santana? It's always 'Don't hurt, Tana.' 'What did you do this time, Puck?' Doesn't anybody care about the pain she's put me through?"

His words were louder than she had heard them in a long time, and the anger behind them caused Rachel to jump just slightly in her spot. Whatever this was, it was serious.

"You know, I get it. She's the girl. Everyone except me to be the fuck up, but this whole thing is her fault! She gave up that beautiful, fucking precious little girl and didn't blink a damn eye. But let's all make sure that Puck doesn't do anything wrong! Because apparently Santana's the only person in this house capable of being in pain!"

As he spoke, Rachel's ears were met with the sound of his fist coming into contact with the marble countertop. Which was followed by another curse word flowing from his lips as he cradled his hand closer to hide body.

The words that had just been spoken to her played through Rachel's mind once more. And as she analyzed them carefully, her eyes grew wider. "Wait," she began pausing only briefly to take a sip of tea and ease her vocal chords. "You didn't want to give up Valerie? I was made to believe the decision was a joint one."

Rachel set down her tea and made her way over to the freezer. She knew it wasn't the first time Puck had punched something, and she was almost positive they had a form of an ice pack in their freezer. Upon opening the freezer she realized she had been wrong and instead pulled out a bag of peas, throwing it at him and motioning for him to keep it on his hands.

"She told you that?" His voice was a mix of shock, pain and anger. And for that moment Rachel almost wanted to swallow her words. "Sometimes I can't believe her."

Her shoulders simply shrugged as she made her way back to the other side of the kitchen. Rachel brought her cup of tea back up to her lips; trying to process her knew found information. It completely changed her view on things. She had always been under the assumption that Noah didn't want the little girl. That he had been in agreement with Santana to give her away to Shelby.

"I wanted her, Rach." The pleading in his voice caused Rachel to look back up at him. "I wanted to hold her. I wanted to be the last person to see her before she went to bed. I wanted to be there when she took her first step. And when she said her first word. I wanted Tana, me, and Val to be a family."

Her headed nodded along with every word that Noah spoke and when she finished Rachel allowed the smallest of sighs to pass from her lips. She turned to simply place her mug down on the counter before turning back to Noah.

"Noah," she began, straightening out the bottom of her black dress. "While I do appreciate your brutal honestly, I must remind you that it is not necessary for you to use such foul language. And before you make comments about me sounding like your mother, allow me to finish." The brunette paused her semi-long winded speech to swallow thickly in a desperate attempt to sooth her vocal chords.

"You love Santana, correct?" She waited until the boy finally nodded in her direction. "And you love Valerie?"

"Of course I fucking lov-"

Rachel held her hand in the air, cutting off his sentence, and shooting a glare at him for his language. "Then do everyone a favor. Stop brooding because you are not Edward Cullen, and spend as much time with your little girl as possible. If, and when I decided to allow Shelby to move in with me, Valerie is going to be at my house all the time. Use the time to your advantage and get to know the beautiful girl you and Santana brought into the world."

* * *

><p>"How can you both even call this a bedroom"<p>

Unfolding his hands from his knee she straightened out his designer pants and stood up off the bed. His nose up still looking around in disgust over the conditions around him. They dared to call this a bedroom? It was simply a cluttered mess. For crying out loud where you slept should not have been on the floor. They invented beds for a reason. Shaking his head to himself he walked back to the door and very carefully with two fingers he pushed it till it finally clicked shut. Suddenly he wished he had swatches to run by the pair, maybe if they added a better Feng Shui to their surroundings they would have been brighter people. He'd have to bring all of that up another time. As he looked over at Santana and the light hit her face he could see the makeup that had run down her cheeks. This was his newest issue right in front of him. She looked like something that belonged on the bad streets of New York City rather than in SoHo where she had the potential to belong. What was he going to do with the Latina on the bed. There was such a large part of him that wanted nothing more than to lecture her right there and then for how she looked.

"Where do you buy your makeup Santana? The drug store? No don't answer that, you'll make me sick. At least lie to me and tell me you invest in a good moisturizer."

Even if she'd been in the mood to listen to his criticism she wouldn't have had the patients to listen to his nonsense babbling about this or that. She was content with their bedroom and she liked her makeup just fine when she didn't have a reason to let it pour down her face. She was pretty sure that after the day she'd been through she deserved to let out a few tears. They all had their rights to for different reasons. That still didn't give her the patients with Kurt to listen to him moan an complain for things he had nothing to do with. Lazily she picked up a pillow off of the bed and wiped it out, letting it fly across the room and nearly hit Kurt who let out the slightest of yelps at her actions. He wasn't going t be very amused with her.

"Really Tana? Who knows what you and Puck have done to that pillow. I'd rather not be the one to find out either. …Come on Santana you need to stop moping around. There are bigger tasks at hand here."

His comment made her sit up abruptly finally, a glare in her eyes and a scowl on her face. He was lucky he'd just lost his brother or she might have gone off on him for just being plain rude and insensitive. She really didn't have the patients to listen to his picking and complaining. There was a bigger part of her that rather he just left the room than listen to his voice anymore. But she knew she needed to be good, she'd done enough wrong and it was the night after his brother's funeral. That and she just didn't have it in her to snap at him like she normally would have. Instead she let her head lull back and she softened her expression at him. Still partly unamused by him.

"You do realize that if Shelby moves in with Rachel that little girl is always going to be around a lot more than you're used to. You're going to have to get used to it because you can't turn your back on Rachel right now Santana. That would be rude and just plain unacceptable. I don't care if you're used to backing out of things when they get difficult. You're not going to do that to Rachel."

Kurt was up again and beginning to pace as he spouted off the things she was to do and the things that she wasn't to do. He was Kurt Hummel and everyone should have known to listen to him. At least that was what he'd decided anyway. They'd all learned to humor him so he'd shut up. Santana watched him as he slowly paced the room examining things here and there, things that she could tell just by his body structure he wanted to change. Maybe this was the reason she and Puck kept everyone out of their bedroom.

"You know Hummel, you're annoying as hell but you do have a point."

Looking proud of himself then he nodded his head and looked back at the Latina with an almost sincere look about him. It was then that he sat back down on the edge of the bed and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't be like Shelby. Don't not know you're daughter just because you're not the one she calls mommy."


End file.
